I need you to whisper,
keep you voice low,
everyone is listening
To every word we say
You may think its nothing
but it's much too serious
To not give the attention
that this truly deserves.

Tell me what it is
that i've been doing
Tell me what it is
That i"ve been doing wrong
Tell me what it is that
I've been doing wrong...all along!

More recently...

 

An Elemental Dream 

The smallest movement is the one that gets noticed,

So I try to run with grandeur
Because I've grown fond of the invisibility.
I only need to know my own direction.
Or I can soar with a gust of wind.
Set me past the clouds
Be careful not to drop me now.
A whirlwind affair that easily sets me anywhere
Cast me into the deepest sea,
Mariana Trench will you marry me?
Keep me cradled in you breast
As I sleep through my eternal rest.
Fill my lungs with the purest waves
Or I shall seek the brightest burning flames
As I walk through searing tongues
So the heat licks my body numb
With the coals no longer black
They glow deep reds and crumble into ash
The softest gray silt I've ever touched
Never have I longed for anything so much
But to lay my head upon the dust
So I may dream, and scheme, and lust
But all of this is one grand lie
I don't know why I even try
Because I'm still here invisible to you all
I do not move
Not an inch, not a mile, not at all.

Accept No Substitutes
Upon a hazy July morning
He knelt to smell the roses
Just to notice all the wrong
About face he retreated homeward
Only to find his weapon of choice
He released the fearful blows
But still she smiled strongly
As the plaster chipped from her lips
Those piercing eyes that he created
The work of stone is just a dream
Now let me bleed my thoughts upon you
Some tragedies end in happiness
The truth he began to see is
He knew the beauty of dreams
But it is always better to hold and touch
...the real thing.

 It Wasn't Me 

Never mind the yellow tape
I'll be cautious for the both of us
Don't be bothered by the flashing lights
If its a problem we can always hide
Just keep on running dear youre doing fine
But keep up the pace we're not too far now
Its about that time and then the fires spread
Please brace yourself I need you so
I couldnt fight the same without you near
The traps were set but we must hide
The want to make it seem like you and I
Are masterminds to a destructive game
But dead or alive we're worth just the same
 
Corrections 

Ive vowed to remember those I've harmed
Count the notches on my club
If I see you amongst the crowd
My weapon is now yours
Make of me what you will

If this is what it takes
To save others from my heavy hand
I'll do what must be done
Use my face as a target
I'll keep count of every swing for you
I just need you to count my stitches
Hold no grudge I've let mine go
I lower my head to take every blow

When I walk away from this
We'll both be better people
I've given up on giving pain
Have you given up on taking it
The only way to save ourselves
Is to take torture we have dealt
Then everything will all make sense
Id give it all up to take it all back
Now that Ive seen my wrongs
 

A Withered End

I can see everything so clearly
As I'm looking through her eyes
What was it that made you run so far
This one is the answer to all of man's problems
I need to free my thoughts; unleashed,
As they are confined to these padded walls
Clarity is all that I asked for
And she is the crutch Ive needed
She has the touch that has left me feeling...

Drained of all my humanly ideals
Not even enough to walk on two legs
I now understand her pain; I crawl
On hands and feet I ran a distance
Tired; torn and bloodied, rest is not an option
Although this is near unbearable I stop
Retrace my steps I know she hurts as well
All whom she touches will suffer
Yet I've found the pain so comforting

Again I can stand, my thoughts again whole
I have become an enlightened soul
Nothing can challenge the strength of our tie
I can see through any adversity
She will revert your world back to silence
We have found our reasons to exist
I the sightless have the light of the world
Her darkness has been overcome
Together we wither away

[Untitled]

Many of us float on
Anonymous to all but ourselves
no desire to be found again
No desire to ever be known
The ones we loved are lost
To us, The vanished with our hearts
Undiscovered we chose to remain
As solitude is our only friend

While we may be nameless
We once had labels
But float along we live on
Toward the sunset of our memories

Play for Keeps

My bandages keep my pieces from separating
Fragmented, I've lost plenty on the road most avoid
I've never been a wise one to gambling
A deck of cards would have sufficed
Not for me, spin the roulette wheel for life
Play for keeps, what was once a game is so much worse
The concept is simple, the consequences drastic
When the wheel stops the hammer is tossed
A handful of metal, smoke and pain is what remains
I once heard that a bullet never lies
Sometimes it doesn't completely destroy
But shatters all that lies in its path
Now here i stand feebly and mummified
Not quite alive or well but breathing
Once my recovery is complete
I just may return for another spin

Weakness of a God

I was blown away once
The smile worn filtered the debris
Shrapnel grazed across finger tips
I once was invincible
Those days are far beyond past tense
Metamorphosis is not saved for insects
Rather than adding to my impervious skin
I was robbed of my gift; my curse
Riddled with holes, feeling has returned
Leaving me human.

Into the Darkness of Slumber


Sleepless thoughts cloud my judgment,
Difficulty separating fact from fiction,
Tidal waves of delusioned ideas flood,
While my brain sponges and absorbs obscurities,
I travel through my fantasy world blindly,
A place haunted with myriads of nightmares,
One never needs sight in their own thoughts,
Extra sensory pulses pull me to the core,
At the heart of it all lies a puzzle,
A many faceted game of complex proportions,
My walking fingers twist and pry,
The game untampered is but a lock,
But when defeated it gives light an opportunity,
To exist and mingle among the tarnished,
Offering a mild tranquility to my troubled mind,
Like a cool breeze through the desert heat,
Shedding its glow to even the most minute corners,
Pleasantries are welcomed at any time,
Yet this moment the most sought artform,
Is the involuntary creation of a dream,
With heavy eyes and clearer vision,
I slumber calmer than the ancient dead.




Many doubts!!

I watch the passers by and wonder,
where do I belong in this whole charade.
We follow motions but for what purpose,
and we wear our masks to hide our face.
Is there a cure for all our worries,
Something undiscovered or left unsaid,
A miracle to keep us going,
A cure that keeps as far from death.
We search and struggle with empty pockets,
Some still stand and others crumble.
When all our answers are far from simple,
Hands in prayer, people humble.
Again within me I hold my doubt,
I've learned to keep faith unwavering
But my mind tells me otherwise,
Not to trust, not to be saved.
Its hard for me to leave it all,
My cross still hangs in place.
Am I so wrong for not believing,
Every single word i've heard?
So here I am now, at a point,
I can't see which way to turn!
But I know that I am not alone,
Others have been here berfore.
What did they choose, should I follow?
All these thoughts become a chore.
So as I lay my head and drift,
I try to recall some of my prayers,
Were they at all answered,
No they weren't, not completely,
Well that's what I saw to say the least,
God must have skipped me.
But who really knows maybe he's waiting,
Until I really need help, and then he will save me.
But who really knows, I have no real clue,
Who, What and Where is this god all about?
So I turn off my mind and go on with my habits,
Our Father, Amen,Good Night, and I'm out.

Old Poetry pt. 7 - Final

Versus...

Beware the scorpion
She leaves her mark
Her bite won't poison
But her stinger sharp
Will bring you down
Down to you knees
Without a sound
Feels like a dream


This is a nightmare
She brought her claws
I brought my fire
And she saw my flaws
She knows no meaning
To the word gently
Thought she could have anything
Until she met me!!

A Story to Sell


I'm sorry Judge but I...
I don't even have to lie
My eyes will tell my story
Theres nothing for me to hide

I ran away
Long before the trouble came
They found me the next day
....


I Remember
This time isn't so sad
I have plenty to remember
Like running through the tall grass
And those long nights in December
I know I always see it
When I wake and shit my eyes
The family that I love
Same one I left behind
Don't think I ran from you
I needed space to grow
I sing this for you now
Just want to let you know
You mean more than the world
All day I think of you
The ones who kept me sane
After all that I've gone through

Old Poetry pt. 6

The Fall


Some times I feel like I'm falling
From way up high through the clouds
Land at my back, arms spread apart
Wind all around whipping hair all about

And I pick up speed constant
But no worries surface
I'm drowning in sunshine
I'm clearing my mind

My fall is my blessing
With the landing I'll die
My smile will remain
Like clouds during rain

Watch birds and planes all the same
Clouds join me without a question
Holding my heart, failure achieved
Crashing below everything bleeds


Storm Chaser

Pouring rain over me
Filling my eyes
Until I can't see
With lies I've told
and games played
A statement bold
I can't take it back
but I might make it right
how long will it last
You came and I left
I lost all control
I came and you left
I have no where to turn
No where to run
The stinging rain burns
It will always hang low
Unless you're around
and somehow it goes
All apologies
For all my bullshit
I'm on my knees
I won't beg or plead
Don't bother asking
Its not what I need
The end nearly calls
I'm here for mercy
To accept my flaws

Prodigal Son


I ran until my feet were raw and numb
Until there was no air in my lungs
Until the distant hue of street lights
Just blended with the starry sky

The deepest purple of the clouds
And I remember every single sound
The memory as fresh as yesterday
I couldn't take it so I ran away

With no shoes to shield my heels
The clothes were left for me to peel
Off from my bruised and tired body
Why did you have to hurt me?

I was so young and alone
To feel like I could never go home
Waiting within the dreaded place
The one who meant to change my face

There was no reason
to do what was done
I try forgetting
But then I see the sun
Never will I see the same
It all happened so fast
I try forgiving
But I relive the past

What made me deserve your hand
The war between boy and man
No one came out victorious
The sacrifice, far from glorious

I take the pain and keep it close
It helps me when I need it most
To clear things up to realize
There aren't many by my side


Broken Mind

Inevitably he knows whats happening
Always feeling like someones after him
Minds are fragile but his is broken
Gladly would he take the pills
Only thing he believes can help
Imagining he is cured of madness
Not realizing the constant damage
Get ready for the let down, its a hard fall
Creating the illusions of happiness
Ready for something better
All the world will seem brighter
Zero proof that it will be useful
Yet he firmly grips to medicine
Have you seen the man before
Everyone is looking but no one knows
Losing all thats left of his broken mind
Please if you see him help him find
More than what hes after guide him
Else he'll be lost disillusioned
Passing through what might remain
Losing his focus for a few pills a day
Ease him back to what he was
As soon as he quits there may be hope
Saving whats left of the broken dreams
Everything might be special again

Old Poetry pt. 5

A Farewell of Sorts
I see it in your eyes,
I wasn't what you wanted,
Don't hide behind some lie,
When did you plan to tell me
You found something better,
were you waiting for a while
Would you write it in a letter,
Please just save your paper.

This is nothing I can't handle
But this time my hearts been torn
So don't bother with that candle
I'm not coming home anymore

I guess this is goodbye
Its time for me go
In need of my own time
To figure some things out
Was it all a waste
To help you to your feet
Because you look away
While I wait here by the street.

Its nothing I can't handle
I've been here once before
Felt the heat of battle
Another leaves me sore

This time its cutting close
But I know I'll make it through
My friend it just shows
I just couldn't ever trust you


How to Stand (more of a poem to myself)

There I sat
All alone
While everything
Passed by me

And I heard
Many voices
Offering me
Many choices

Still I wait
Let time pass
another day
May be my last

Now I hear
Many voices
Offer me
Many choices

I take my time
To do things right
When I fall it
Only hurts a while

Still I hear
All the Voices
Offering me
All those choices

Time to think
Decisions to make
Paths a plenty
No time for mistakes

I will hear
Many Voices
Always offer
Many Choices

Older and wiser
Learned from the fall
Because of the lessons
Forever stand tall



If You Only Knew

For as long as I have known
Shes been the one for me
The feelings I can't hide
But still she just doesn't see

When we talk
We both smile
And we call
Every once in a while
I love her voice
Her gorgeous eyes
I'll keep her close
Until the end of time

We have a way of finding
One another at awkward times
When I'm busy working
Or standing in a grocery line

When we talk
We both smile
And we call
Every once in a while
I love her voice
Her gorgeous eyes
I'll keep her close
Until the end of time


And right on cue it happens
I can feel the rising heat
If you only knew how I felt
It could have been something sweet

If all goes well she'll realize
That I've been here waiting
Just keeping myself occupied
For the day that she is ready

Because...

When we talk
We both smile
And we call
Every once in a while
I love your voice
Your gorgeous eyes
Ill keep you close
Until the end of time


While You Were Sleeping

I watched you as you drifted off
And floated in these awful thoughts
I knew you had another place
And false was the love you gave

I reflected and pondered what to do
The thought of up and leaving you
Clear as day; I knew for sure
That I just had to leave you here

While you were sleeping
Memories creeping
Haunting me to choose
While you were sleeping
I just kept thinking
Either way I go I'm going to lose

Someone hidden under all that hair
Deceptive plans to keep me there
I found a clue and I caught on
Such shame that it took so long

So standing with my things in hand
One more glance at what I had
I know now that none of this was mine
Because of what you chose to hide


A Pill a Day

There is no point to blame
Every one else for the pain
A multitude of mental scars
You did this to yourself

What did you think would happen
If you kept up that bad habit
It hurts to see you on your ass
But when I help I follow suit

So I no longer have your back
Its will power that you lack
Now you're a lost cause
And I just don't have the time

So take your pill
and swallow hard
It will never help
It will leave you scarred
I hate to see you hurt
but its just what you deserve

Remember that November night
Probably not since you were high
You thought it was all fun
but woke in a hospital room

So where are you now
Blaming me when you're down
Well I hope you see that I meant well
but you're the only one that can help


My Guardian

As the water pours
Over every road
And the torrents pull
We have lost control


With the lightning
Comes my guardian
And she wears the
Colors purest then


She saves the day
Pulls me by my arm
Takes my pain away
While I lie


Close to death I feel
My wounds numb to touch
The pain has faded now
I don't miss it much


She has saved the day
We have made it through
Took their pain away
And they lie by my side


As we peer around
We all feel the same
We are grateful yet
Feeling so much pain

Not much longer now
The sirens near
She looks around
And she disappears

As the medics arrive
Come to surround us
We are all alive
Thanks to her gentle touch


A Little Less

I know I was something less
Than what you bargained for
But I did try my best
And you still walked out that door

I don't want to feel
Like this forever
I'm just too scarred and scared
So I give up

I guess I wasn't able to
Keep you around for long
It was meant to be though
We will both be strong

I don't want to feel
Like this tomorrow
I'm just to scarred and scared
That I may be hollow

Where do we go from here
I just want to move forward
No more of this fear
Can't I just let it be over

I don't want to feel
Like I'm nothing
But I'm so scarred
and I'm so scared
Let me believe in something

Old Poetry pt. 4

Lost Inside and Out
Shipwrecked and broken
I lay alone and hopeless
nothing I could do will ever make this better
but it's worth every shot I have

Once again I stand up weakened
but I continue my path is hidden
I pray to God that this would be some dream
It's not possible, not for me

Never have I been one to model
I'm probably the worst one out there
I hope no one follows the course I made for myself
It's nothing I wish upon anyone to live through


I will just wander alone until I find
The Me that has been long forgotten
The Me that I wish i could stand face to face with
To find the meaning of Him in Me

This captain has lost his ship and crew
But more importantly lost his way
The confusion is mind-altering; enough to bring death upon
So much is at stake yet there's so little time


Coming Clean
I need to come clean
but i dont quite have the words
my tongue is numb and dumb
my teeth still chatter though they're clenched
Signs would be a great help
if i only knew how to use them

what i'm saying is this
i am scared light years beyond shitless
to speak of events that Might have happened
i dont want to ruin the ending
but i need to know
i just need to know what i want
what it is that i need
what the fuck is it going to take

trial and error could help
but i dont think its worth all the effort
to be honest i want to lie
that could create further problems later
what do i do where do i go
im just lost and i want some answers now

what is going on here
is it what i want or is it much less
the world may never know
but im pretty good at guessing games
i hope all ends well tonight
we are on different battle fields i guess

Lets just figure this out
Lets get this over with


If its too good to be true...

Here I lie awake and restless
contemplating the next step I should take
I am fearful for any outcome
whether good or bad uncertainty holds me
the perilous march that awaits
is nothing compared to the destiny i follow

Take these thoughts project them outward
Keep the uncertainty I'm not ready for
Walking a thin line is just a trivial act
Each tear shed holds more meaning than any problem

But then I muster all the courage
One deep breath and
Five steps forward
The burning sensation devours
as i am engulfed in fear once again
the only thing that hurts worse is the
disappointment that is so expected
through the haziness miles dread
its the piercing let down of a situation
If its too good to be true, it really fucking is

One day soon I'll figure how to play
as the odds are stacked i will overcome
no false prophecy or intuition
i am the created becoming the creator
of a destiny untraveled
i am gone to all but me and my own
No rabid tale will hold me forever

I promise this one thing
No Poison soaked words
cans steal my convictions
i will move onward as i did before
of all the things i have learned on my journey
only one stands out and clear to me
if its too good to be true, it really fucking is

Defcon 5

We will honor you
For the one thing you have given me
A state of mind unsurpassed
Unforgiving and Non-existant

But we thank you and Raise a toast
To the women who brought us back to life
To desire, to fornicate, to turn the other cheek
Yet still look when necessary

Incoherent whispers in the dark
With Paranoia sinking in swiftly
Turning heads to make a scene
But our eyes open and scream
We will honor you
For making me who I am
Molding me against the flame and steel

Love doesn't grow
From our hearts or souls
Its a response to hate
The Devil's curtain show

Once again thank you graciously
Now take a bow strike a chord
Something for the choir to scream in terror
For making me the man who you stand before

Don't make a promise
Don't speak of war
Jealousy may be overwhelming
But soon enough you'll know it all too well

Love is a privilege
Not a two dollar whore

Sanguine Temptations

There is a deeper red that clouds my eyes
The bloodshots and lacerations add character
the bloodlust builds up within much deeper
bottled up partition of my most hateful thoughts

Five seconds left until I explode
Four breaths of air to fill your lungs
Three words could have prevented all this
Two blinks of an eye is all it will take
One chance last chance to say goodbye

This is the calm before the storm
I have been place in a position to unleash
While the world floats in slow motion
My thoughts increase in number and complexity

I don't question my ability but my morality
Am I hurting for the right reasons
Is my pain equivalent to that I radiate
NO - THE ANSWER ALWAYS - NO

As I remain unsheathed I have stored my ammunition
the unveiling of an atom bomb is so much closer than before
A shorter fuse means less time to collect composure
Good luck in the future your life counts on it.

To Build a Path

Standing above the world
Reflecting on all that I am
I have become something i have feared
Now to turn and repent
A choice worth a million years
But only two seconds to decide
To know what it is to do

And I will build the way
Until I can see the Light
I understand that I'm only one man
But I will make my wrongs right

But I'm one step away
From going over the edge
An end to all the misery accrued
The years have been unkind
but rolling with the punches
Has always been my specialty
And I Have my fight together now
(Together Now)

Too many nights have I
Stared through the darkness
Struggling to make sense of it all
But to no avail
I have had the Sour all too much
Now i want the Sweet


This is My Luck

This isn't about chance
and chances are you're going to lose
So i've decided to go all in
No holds barred in this round

Just hold your breath
as the dice are rolled across the felt
seven has never been my lucky number
as the loaded cubes strike singles
I hold my fucking breath

On my behalf I'd like to say
this is absolutely ridiculous to think
but thinking has never been my forte
these songs songs should make me feel alive

head first in any and every direction
no discussion no time to map it out
its called impulse
and i have plenty to go around

come to me first
apparently i robbed a bank
what happens in Vegas stays here
the sirens mean nothing to me
because you know what
IM ALL IN


The Takeover 

i have decided to tune in
these voices distorted but clearing
what once was a concience is no more
Im running away quickly...I need to end this war

The voices i hear repeating constantly
the shouting of some dueling gods
resounding but only to me
and i wait for it all to go away
nothing makes sense just words
i chant to angels as i pray

thundering through my thoughts
thier whispers are like gunshots
smells of wax candles left burning
and still I'm losing this aging battle
I want my life to go back to normal

twisting memories to match their cause
i will resist until i've won or even lost
complete control what i once had here
my eyes don't even shed my own tears
these eyes will bleed forever

the takeover has begun without me
nothing that i was will i ever be again
my body is a vessel for their dirty work
other worldly feelings make me smirk
at the chance of me being great

Circuitry

Here is another road block
A milestone still unturned
I've never been a good person
I'll be amazed if I can change
From larva to butterfly
To shed this old skin
Much easier said than done
But time to bite the bullet
Put my thoughts to work
Rerwire my everything

Like a jumble of circuitry
Exposing down to barebones
Crack the code and recover
All the precious data stored
Start me over and over again
Not even the elitists are able
Make the neccessary upgrades
Anything lost will resurface
A short circuit is a minor setback
All the corruption is replaced

A viral strand of life is rising
One spread with ease through
Entirely altering characters
Documentation is but a buffer
Rules are going to be broken
A web of fallacy to transmit
All in all it will crumble again
To be rebuilt and destroyed
A vicious circle that is constant
One that will never cease


Chorus:
With every piece of me
To my inner circuitry
I am destined to prevail
In my mind I cannot fail
It means I  will sacrifice
Everything down to my life
Backing up all that I am
To a shell of me refreshed
I will not suffer tragically
To be reborn mechanically

Old Poetry pt. 3

Wallflower

I have no excuses left
There's no reason not to go
I kept stalling but now
Gotta get the FUCK UP!

Chorus 1:
Needles from the numbness
Scratching, no, tearing through me
Amazing graces can't save everyone
Especially not me I'm long overdue

Standing on my own again
Crutches aren't going to help
And stumbling isn't an option
Sobriety is so far and lost

So pass me a fucking drink
I'll take any amount of alcohol
Just to get me out of this seat
To get my fill of the nightlife

The lights and the sounds
Blow this liquor soaked mind
Confident as ever i prowl
And you know you want it

You cant get enough
I'm open to the public
So you better come now
Before supply runs out

Chorus 2:
Im so gone but i love it
From hazy, no, drunken choices
Ive had my fill so now im going home
To wipe the slate and do it all tomorrow


A Dream Adrift

There comes a time
When every thing stops making sense
No reason why
But you can't stop it when it happens
Take a minute to see
That things might not always be the same but

Just keep on going
never stop moving
It might feel strange
living day by day

One chance at life
There is no second try
We make mistakes
but we learn everyday

Once in a while
Expect all the unexpected
It will surprise you
To see your dreams come alive
If you feel your heart racing
Don't be afraid everything will work out

Just keep on going
never stop moving
It might feel strange
living day by day

One chance at life
There is no second try
We make mistakes
but we learn everyday



Reality

Can someone please explain to me
The separation of dreams and reality
I don't want to sleep ever again
Cause I cant tell the difference when
All that's around me gets lost in translation

Am I the only one who finds
That reality is much more enticing
Sleepless nights are when I'm alive
The midnight is my time to shine

Perfect Day for a Crime Scene 

The smell of the air is choking me out
Noxious odors of death are surrounding
No one else notices so they  go about
Their own business and its driving me
Out of my mind. I'm scared without a doubt
From catching my reflection I am revolting
I catch a look at myself and then shout
A body so torn should not be standing

I just can't explain
what I'm feeling
but it doesn't matter
cause no ones listening