Old Poetry pt. 4

Lost Inside and Out
Shipwrecked and broken
I lay alone and hopeless
nothing I could do will ever make this better
but it's worth every shot I have

Once again I stand up weakened
but I continue my path is hidden
I pray to God that this would be some dream
It's not possible, not for me

Never have I been one to model
I'm probably the worst one out there
I hope no one follows the course I made for myself
It's nothing I wish upon anyone to live through


I will just wander alone until I find
The Me that has been long forgotten
The Me that I wish i could stand face to face with
To find the meaning of Him in Me

This captain has lost his ship and crew
But more importantly lost his way
The confusion is mind-altering; enough to bring death upon
So much is at stake yet there's so little time


Coming Clean
I need to come clean
but i dont quite have the words
my tongue is numb and dumb
my teeth still chatter though they're clenched
Signs would be a great help
if i only knew how to use them

what i'm saying is this
i am scared light years beyond shitless
to speak of events that Might have happened
i dont want to ruin the ending
but i need to know
i just need to know what i want
what it is that i need
what the fuck is it going to take

trial and error could help
but i dont think its worth all the effort
to be honest i want to lie
that could create further problems later
what do i do where do i go
im just lost and i want some answers now

what is going on here
is it what i want or is it much less
the world may never know
but im pretty good at guessing games
i hope all ends well tonight
we are on different battle fields i guess

Lets just figure this out
Lets get this over with


If its too good to be true...

Here I lie awake and restless
contemplating the next step I should take
I am fearful for any outcome
whether good or bad uncertainty holds me
the perilous march that awaits
is nothing compared to the destiny i follow

Take these thoughts project them outward
Keep the uncertainty I'm not ready for
Walking a thin line is just a trivial act
Each tear shed holds more meaning than any problem

But then I muster all the courage
One deep breath and
Five steps forward
The burning sensation devours
as i am engulfed in fear once again
the only thing that hurts worse is the
disappointment that is so expected
through the haziness miles dread
its the piercing let down of a situation
If its too good to be true, it really fucking is

One day soon I'll figure how to play
as the odds are stacked i will overcome
no false prophecy or intuition
i am the created becoming the creator
of a destiny untraveled
i am gone to all but me and my own
No rabid tale will hold me forever

I promise this one thing
No Poison soaked words
cans steal my convictions
i will move onward as i did before
of all the things i have learned on my journey
only one stands out and clear to me
if its too good to be true, it really fucking is

Defcon 5

We will honor you
For the one thing you have given me
A state of mind unsurpassed
Unforgiving and Non-existant

But we thank you and Raise a toast
To the women who brought us back to life
To desire, to fornicate, to turn the other cheek
Yet still look when necessary

Incoherent whispers in the dark
With Paranoia sinking in swiftly
Turning heads to make a scene
But our eyes open and scream
We will honor you
For making me who I am
Molding me against the flame and steel

Love doesn't grow
From our hearts or souls
Its a response to hate
The Devil's curtain show

Once again thank you graciously
Now take a bow strike a chord
Something for the choir to scream in terror
For making me the man who you stand before

Don't make a promise
Don't speak of war
Jealousy may be overwhelming
But soon enough you'll know it all too well

Love is a privilege
Not a two dollar whore

Sanguine Temptations

There is a deeper red that clouds my eyes
The bloodshots and lacerations add character
the bloodlust builds up within much deeper
bottled up partition of my most hateful thoughts

Five seconds left until I explode
Four breaths of air to fill your lungs
Three words could have prevented all this
Two blinks of an eye is all it will take
One chance last chance to say goodbye

This is the calm before the storm
I have been place in a position to unleash
While the world floats in slow motion
My thoughts increase in number and complexity

I don't question my ability but my morality
Am I hurting for the right reasons
Is my pain equivalent to that I radiate
NO - THE ANSWER ALWAYS - NO

As I remain unsheathed I have stored my ammunition
the unveiling of an atom bomb is so much closer than before
A shorter fuse means less time to collect composure
Good luck in the future your life counts on it.

To Build a Path

Standing above the world
Reflecting on all that I am
I have become something i have feared
Now to turn and repent
A choice worth a million years
But only two seconds to decide
To know what it is to do

And I will build the way
Until I can see the Light
I understand that I'm only one man
But I will make my wrongs right

But I'm one step away
From going over the edge
An end to all the misery accrued
The years have been unkind
but rolling with the punches
Has always been my specialty
And I Have my fight together now
(Together Now)

Too many nights have I
Stared through the darkness
Struggling to make sense of it all
But to no avail
I have had the Sour all too much
Now i want the Sweet


This is My Luck

This isn't about chance
and chances are you're going to lose
So i've decided to go all in
No holds barred in this round

Just hold your breath
as the dice are rolled across the felt
seven has never been my lucky number
as the loaded cubes strike singles
I hold my fucking breath

On my behalf I'd like to say
this is absolutely ridiculous to think
but thinking has never been my forte
these songs songs should make me feel alive

head first in any and every direction
no discussion no time to map it out
its called impulse
and i have plenty to go around

come to me first
apparently i robbed a bank
what happens in Vegas stays here
the sirens mean nothing to me
because you know what
IM ALL IN


The Takeover 

i have decided to tune in
these voices distorted but clearing
what once was a concience is no more
Im running away quickly...I need to end this war

The voices i hear repeating constantly
the shouting of some dueling gods
resounding but only to me
and i wait for it all to go away
nothing makes sense just words
i chant to angels as i pray

thundering through my thoughts
thier whispers are like gunshots
smells of wax candles left burning
and still I'm losing this aging battle
I want my life to go back to normal

twisting memories to match their cause
i will resist until i've won or even lost
complete control what i once had here
my eyes don't even shed my own tears
these eyes will bleed forever

the takeover has begun without me
nothing that i was will i ever be again
my body is a vessel for their dirty work
other worldly feelings make me smirk
at the chance of me being great

Circuitry

Here is another road block
A milestone still unturned
I've never been a good person
I'll be amazed if I can change
From larva to butterfly
To shed this old skin
Much easier said than done
But time to bite the bullet
Put my thoughts to work
Rerwire my everything

Like a jumble of circuitry
Exposing down to barebones
Crack the code and recover
All the precious data stored
Start me over and over again
Not even the elitists are able
Make the neccessary upgrades
Anything lost will resurface
A short circuit is a minor setback
All the corruption is replaced

A viral strand of life is rising
One spread with ease through
Entirely altering characters
Documentation is but a buffer
Rules are going to be broken
A web of fallacy to transmit
All in all it will crumble again
To be rebuilt and destroyed
A vicious circle that is constant
One that will never cease


Chorus:
With every piece of me
To my inner circuitry
I am destined to prevail
In my mind I cannot fail
It means I  will sacrifice
Everything down to my life
Backing up all that I am
To a shell of me refreshed
I will not suffer tragically
To be reborn mechanically